Posted 2:08 AM by Paul
Labour Calls for Help from the Scooby Gang

I watched about three minutes of the Labour Party political broadcast last night. Truly wierd. It opened with Blair in shirt sleeves talking to camera waving his arms around imploring voters to back RADICAL REFORM and CHANGE. It was presented in such a way as though they were self evidently "a good thing". I mean, who could rationally be against changing everything around every couple of years or so and then bringing in a fresh team of management consultants to change it all back?

It was all very energetic and reminded me a little of that bit of the late 90s which was errily like the 80s. Down to the slightly boufant hair and fake tan, for all the world Blair looked like an American motivational speaker / lifestyle guru who was beggining to lose his touch. For a time I feared he was going to try selling voters loans at punishingly high interst rates secured against their homes. But maybe he has done that already.

For a man who has just won a war and two landslide elections he looked insecure and a little desperate. He seems very needy. Maybe he just wants to loved. If that's the case, I would advise him to stay at home playing video games with the kids.

I think that the UK electorate are ready for a more paternal figure who could calm everything down and play the "Father of the Nation" role. But short of the Scooby Gang flying to Scotland with Willow and Buffy and a box of magic spells to ressurect the late John Smith, I cannot see where Labour will get their next leader from. Maybe Mandela would fill the post on a part time basis. He could do the hard stuff Monday to Wednesday while Clinton handled the socialising side of the job from Thursday to Saturday. Sunday we could all just have a rest and be leaderless. That would be a relief. Or perhaps they should bring Kinnock back from Europe to have another stab at it. That might be fun.

Putin livened things up for us all this moring by openly making fun of Blair at a press conference claiming that perhaps Saddam was hiding in a bunker with all his Weapons of Mass Destruction ready to blow us all up. And they say Russians don't have a sense of humour. Better still he should have met Blair esconced in a swivel chair whilst stroking a fluffy white cat.

" Now now No.2 you have let us all down. You vurr meant to keel the Cowboy not get into bed with him."

At that point the hapless Blair would drop through the secret trap door into a tank of carniverous fish and would be replaced by a robot programmed with vaguely left wing instincts.

We can but dream.