Posted 6:50 PM by Paul
Eating Pancakes Opposite the Centre of the Toy Universe

An early night and the effects of jetlag meant that Alice and Emily woke up around 5.00 a.m. I grunted a bit and told the kids to be quiet because other guests were sleeping in the next room - a pathetic rationalisation for the fact that I was tired, grumpy and middle aged.

The kids stopped making so much noise when they started eating breakfast. I had bought a few things the night before from a convenience store next to Grand Central Station - guessing that the mini bar would be astronomically expensive. As it turend out I guessed right. Concerned parents and health food freaks should look away now. Emily feasted on a whole bag of Cheetos whilst Alice snacked on a family bag of mini Txix bars. Heather held the fort whilst I took a long bath - a process which was complicated by the Astoria's antiquated plumbing and confusing signage. Point the lever to HOT and you get VERY COLD. Point it to OFF and you get VERY HOT. The kids watched cartoons [ how did our parents pacify us before the advent of 24 hour TV?] and the adults dozed. An hour of bliss before battle commenced.

By 7.30 a.m we felt ready for New York - and forgoing the $30 [ $45 if you took the champagne option ] continental breakfast at the Astoria we headed for Times Square. The city was waking up and the air was already hot and humid. Steam rising out of the subway vents in the sidewalks. The Chrysler Building loomed out of the mist.

Walking past the Rockerfeller Centre we saw the filming of what I later found our was the Today Show. The classic talk show set of two sofas was laid out on a sound stage under a canopy in the centre small plaza which during the winter is home to the skating rink. A crowd positioned behind crash barriers whooped and hollered as a black female presenter sashayed on to the set waving to her fans under the blazing light of studio arc lamps. She looked a little bit like Oprah but I still have no idea who she was. In the USA she is probably known to millions and earns millions. In full studio make up and immaculate clothes it occurred to me that she had probably got out of bed around the same time as us, and was now about to start her working day. We, on the other hand were headed for a full American breakfast and a visit to the flagship Toys R Us store in Times Square.

Alice spotted Howard Johnson's first and although it was more expensive and probably not as good as other neighbouring delis, we just not resist a visit. The owners of the chain, which people tell me is on the brink of closing down, had clearly made a decision not to change anything since 1959. The same vinyl covered banquettes and formica tables. The same beautiful 1950s signs which would fetch a fortune in a London emporium specialising in classic Americana. The whole late-Eisenhower era ambience was helped along by the background music which was a mixture of Chicago blues and Louis Jordan swing. Everthing was supersized from my smoked salmon bagel through to Heather and the kids' pancakes and syrup and down to the urinals in the men's toilets [ English English for restrooms ].

Across Times Square the CNN ticker tape was reporting on more American casualties from Baghdad. Our family was celebrating but somewhere in the heartland another family was in mourning. A comentator on the big screen was explaining that the attacks were carried out by a minority and that once Saddam Hussein had been captured the attacks would stop. He assured his audience that Most Iraqis support the co-alition.

In many ways the USA is the most sophisticated country on Earth. But their child-like political naiveity leaves me speechless. Since the dawn of recorded history occupation armies have been hated. This is the case even when they depose an unpopular and unsuccesful dictator. The honeymoon lasts a matter of weeks. After the Second World War Churchill and Truman had the good sense to install an interim German regime under Conrad Adenheuer a few months after the fall of Hitler. The planning for the change over from occupation to German control started whilst allied troops were hitting the beaches of Normandy. Even across the Iron Curtain in the totalitarian East, the Communists knew that they had to install demonstrably German and Polish governments to carry out Moscow's orders and starting planning for it just after the fall of Stalingrad in the spring of 1943. People generally want rulers who look like them, eatr the same food and worship the same God.

Now we hear that, far from establishing an interim Iraqi adminstration, the US/UK alliance have put together a relief force headed by the Poles and involving the Spanish to take over security in Central Iraq. Now I may be wrong about this, but I have a dreadful feeling that an exclusively white, Christian occupying force will not be a big hit with Shia or Sunni Moslems. It may be only a matter of time before the silent drawing down of blinds commences in Salamanca and Gdansk.

But enough of world affairs, something over which I have no control. Across Time Square Toys R Us was opening its doors and the kids were getting restless. Its proud bost is " Toys R Us Times Square - the Centre of the Toy Universe!" It didn't let us down. From the 60 foot Ferris wheel which fills an atrium with views of every floor, to the full size Barbie House - Toys R Us represents the gold standard of toys. Kiddy heaven. But there was also plenty for adult customers as the Toys R Us marketeers tapped into their secondary market - adults buying for themselves. Video monitors were set into the wall by the escalators playing 1950s and 60s adverts for toys or clips from vintage kids TV series. Nearly all the old toys for boys had a militaristic flavour. But when I was a child no one would have thought twice about buying a boy a toy gun for Christmas. Many of the toys on offer were re-issues of classics such as My Little Pony, Lego, Action Man and GI Joe. They also have every conceivable Barbie including several with an eye to the adult gay market. I can't believe that Arctic Princess Barbie in her special display case was anything else but an example of high camp. You could also feel the designers winking at you ironically.

The good news for parents visiting from the UK is that all the toys, including the ones that are made in the USA and not China, are around 30-50% cheaper than back home. So if you in New York go to Toys R Us, even if you do not have kids.

But time slipped by in Toy Heaven and just beofre midday we had to walk up town to the Oak Room at the Plaza Hotel next to Central Park where we were meeting Steve and Joanne and Neil and Lorraine. The kids did not seemed too impressed by a visit to one of NYCs classic cocktail lounges but Heather and I were looking forward to long drinks and fierce air conditioning.