Posted 2:27 PM by Paul
Ashes Scattered - Carpe Diem

I went back to Sheffield last week to meet up with my brothers John and David and sister Dianne for the scattering of mum's ashes.

I don't know if I mentioned it before, but it has been a grim summer for our family. Dianne's fiance died of a rare kidney disease which sets the antibodies against each other a few weeks before mum.

It had started as stomach pains and ended with the collapse of his kidneys. We thought he had pulled thorugh and they might have a few more years together but it wasn't be be. He had a relapse a few days after proposing to Dianne. They were to be wed on the 25th of this month. He was 72 which in the olden days was a reasonable age to die but we all expected him to live for at least another 10 years. He was a fit thin man who played golf, only had the occasional cigar and did not drink heavily. The last time I saw him was at a family meal at a Chinese restaurant where we both commented on the fact that mum looked tired and worn out. I never expected him to die before her.

Through July and August Dianne was running from one hospital to another. It was hell for her. Mum went into her final decline 3 days after Dianne buried the love of her life. We didn't tell mum. So, any hurt I am feeling is as nothing compared to my older sister.

So we scattered mums ashes in a plot where 35 years earlier she had scattered dad's. Mum's ashes felt gritty. I has always thought that human ashes would be like the remains of wood after a fierce fire. Light to the touch and almost silky. But I knew she wasn't there anymore. Her soul had flown. The 23 Psalm and then John and Dave gave a last oration. The final tears and we parted company from mum for the very very very last time. The weather had turned cold as if to usher in the new phase of our lives. Mum had gone and so had the sun. We went for a walk in a park where we had all played together and mum and dad had bought us ice creams. I was the youngest at 47 but we all wanted to hold on to that last bit of our childhood. We didn't want to say good bye.

So. I got back home to London and the bossom of my family. This was a relief. Heather has been my rock througout the sadness and the kids are always a joy.

Time to concentrate on the future, but I still find myself moving towards the phone to ring mum and tell her how the kids are.