Posted 1:00 PM by Paul
True


Today Michael Howard was crowned leader of the Conservative Party in an uncontested election of MPs reminiscent of the great days of Enver Hoxtcha, Father of the People and Great Leader of the Albanian Revolutionary Socialist Party. The Conservatives are even having a vote where all party members will have the choice of voting for Michael Howard or .....Michael Howard. If the turn out is high and the Yes vote reaches 99% the Conservatives will have a leader with kind of approval rating last achieved by Saddam Hussein in the referendum of 2002.

Can you imagine the outcry if a trade union decided to apply the same logic?

"Well comrades. We tried democracy once and that process threw up a complete duffer and we just argued all the time. So we have decided to give it to Big Frank. He is 62, quite clever and has been around a long time. Meeting adjourned."

Howard prefaced his victory with a couple of speeches which included classics of the political art of cliche. Who could disagree with sentiments like?

" I will lead this party from the Centre and call on the talents of all sections and views."
and

" I have learned to promise less and deliver more."

Of course what he should have said is

" I will lead this party from the extreme Right and, in the spirit of pure spite and bitterness, I will ruthlessly exclude any SOB who has ever said a bad word about me. Oh and by the way. I intend to promise voters the Earth and stitch them up like a kipper once the suckers have voted for me.......Good night."