Posted 3:17 PM by Paul
US Drugs Sport

Sports radio has just featured a piece on the scandal of Major League baseball which has brought in a new testing regime for anabolic steroids. It is is fairly liberal regime. There will be no testing in the close season and a player would have to test positive for steroids five times before being banned for one year. Now that could be a sport in itself. You would have to be involved in some heroic drug abuse to fail five tests before the end of a season. Give Americans' obsession with sports stats they could hold a special drugs league to run alongside the regular games. Steroid levels could be flashed up on the electronic scoreboard in between plays.

This got me thinking. Why don't they bring in special versions of each sport with a corresponding drug?

Coke Basketball - Play frequently interrupted whilst players harangue each other about how much gear they are taking and how great their lives are.

Ecstacy Baseball. - the Wurlitzer is mothballed as Take Me to the Ballpark is replaced by pounding techno. Players and fans wave their hands in the air for the whole 7 innings and then declare the game a draw.

Hashish Football - Everybody keeps losing the ball but can't be bothered to find it and then both teams break for donuts. SuperBowl 2004 abandoned when both teams pile into buses and head out to the Burning Man festival