Posted 7:31 AM by Paul
Tips for Kerry

Tom Turley, a friend from the US sent me an e-mail link from the New York Post slamming Kerry. It was but a foretaste of what is to come. Tom appealed forlornly "Is there any hope out there?" So, I got to thinking. How would I advise Kerry if I were part of his inner cabinet. Here are a few suggestions

- Arrange for a North Vietnamese diplomat to complain that you were a ruthless killing machine whislt on your tour of duty and under no circumstances should be allowed to be President of the USA.

- Hire a man in a chicken suit to dog George Bush's every campaign stop.

- Choose a Southerner with a drawl as your running mate and set him up in an office in Houston. Have him pictured in front of a photo of LBJ gving his Great Society speech. Sole task, highlight Bush's record in the South.

- Do a deal with Oprah to make her US Ambassador to the UN if she agrees to endorse the campaign two weeks before polling day

- Go missing for two weeks in summer and then have it divulged that you were on a men's retreat and bear hunting expedition in Montana.

- Be pictured with a hunting rifle in your hand as frequently as possible.

- Don't deny that you had a priviledged upbringing. Make self deprecating jokes about it. Point out that your father was a wealthy man with influence but he was never head of the CIA or President of the USA.

- Announce free generic prescription drugs for the over 65s