Posted 10:20 AM by Paul
Election Fever

I get more excited about US than UK elections. Well there is so much more at stake, particularly now that Dick Cheney wants to rule the world and share the spoils between members of his old frat house. My friend Chris has threatened to gag me - as I drone on and on about it and ruin perfectly good conversations. Heather reminds me constantly that Bush cannot hear me when I shout at the TV. But it makes me feel better all the same.

So, I thought I would make myself a hostage to fortune and share my thoughts with the blogosphere.It all hangs on Ohio. The pollsters are predicting that the three main states to win are Penn. Fla and Ohio. Kerry to win Penn as the President is trying to close it down and sell it cheap to Halliburton. Bush will win Florida by the ploy of preventing anyone with wiry hair and natural sense of rhythm from voting unless they are called Don King. A recent change in Florida law gives Cuban Americans 5 votes each and you only get hurricane relief if you are Born Again.

So it is down to Ohio. My gut felling is that Kerry will win the poplar vote by 500K but Bush will take the Electoral College - just. This reported 11 point Bush lead has already been denounced as a scam by Gallup and others. Kerry needs to develop a sense of humour before the debates. Righteous indignation excites the core but not the floaters. Various major media players having a major pop a Bush on his record in the National Guard. By all accounts the boy was out on the razzle all the time, which is great if only he were not lecturing other people about doing their duty. But it means that the Frat boy vote is safe. The idea is that other guys from trailer parks and projects who are not members of of Omega-Delta should go and fight and die for their President whilst they have keg parties. The story circulating is that Bush bunked off a training exercise designed to counter a surprise attack on the USA - ironic or what?

Clinton will I feel do something come late October, possibly in Arkansas from a wheelchair or iron lung surrounded by crippled children and puppy dogs. The heart attack is a god send for the Dems. He is now forgiven for his sex sleaze as illness has conferred some kind of secular sainthood on the flawed genius. Clinton will milk his heart attack for every vote. Gag Gore. It is a shame but his just too bitter. He needs to move on by offering to lead the Labour Party, but he is too left wing to get the job. All this is up in the air if Kerry is assonated by an NRA activist in which case Edwards to win by a landslide and Bush to be court marshaled in 2005 as a deserter

P.S get ready for the Soviet Union to be re-branded and re- launched.

P.P.S My good friend Tom Watson MP is up in Hartlepool working his guts out when he should be having a rest where the rather sad and lonely Peter Mandelson has just stood down to take an important job with the EU (Brussels - they will have anyone). The bye-election in in three weeks. My worry for Tom is that he will help Labor secure a third term with a reduced majority but lose his own seat. Then the people who he helped will conveniently forget his contribution ot the cause. Tom if you are reading this - Go back to your home base and prepare for battle.