Posted 2:56 PM by Paul
Still No Hovercars

Nearly 2004. An impossibly futuristic date. I worked on the Dome, Britain's ill fated millennium project. Way back in those optimistic 90s when Tony Blair was almost universally trusted, the Year 2000 seemed like an impossible future. The new millennium. Now it seems anachronistic. A bit like a 1950s Sci-Fi DC Comic but not as much fun.

How was the year for me?

My mother died. Despite the tears and the heartache we were very lucky. She survived at least 4 years longer than was expected and we were all with her when she slipped away on a bright sunny day in September aged 81.

The kids are healthy and happy.

Heather and I are coming up to our 15th anniversary and still very much in love. My love for her has grown over the years. I still look at her and wonder why she marrried a man nearly 10 years older than her aged 23 when she could have waited around for someone better.

Blair signed up for a a war made in the White House and a nation began to tire of his patronising sermons and effortless sophistry. Now we have a civil war, an illegal occupation and a base for Islamic extremists in a country where they were hitherto excluded.

I played my pathetically small part in the anti-War movement by going on two huge anti-war demonstrations. Participation in the last one during Bush's visit got me in to a shouting match with an old friend. He left the restaurant before finishing his supper, annoyed with me and unable to share the same table. I stayed and tried to work out why it had come to this.

We visited the USA and Canada and were driving out of Niagara when the power outages blacked out the Eastern Seaboard and Ontario. I fell in love with New York again. The first time I went in 1983 it felt so modern. Now it seems like part of America's heritage, a place of tradition rather than innovation. It is still the greatest place I have ever been to.

Concorde was retired from service. Cutting edge technology is now employed in blowing people up, not in whisking them between continents at twice the speed of sound

My sister had happiness cruelly snatched from her when her boyfriend died of a rare kidney disease just before they were due to wed.

I was offered, and accepted a permanent contract at work - so now my salary is not only generous but reliable.

Tomorrow we are going to to see Santa Versus in the Snowman in 3-D at the Imax cinema at Waterloo followed by supper at a new American diner that has opened up in the Savoy. We will all see the New Year in at home. I never forget how lucky we are.

My hopes and plans for next year are limited.

Stay happy
Stay healthy
Stay in employment
Teach the kids guitar
Teach Emily to swim
Have a long family holiday in France
Celebrate my 29th consecutive fiesta in Pamplona
Improve my Spanish

Nearly 2004 and still no police in hovercars and air hostesses in shiney metallic jump suits. What ever happened to THE FUTURE?

Posted 9:21 AM by Paul
Bam

Sitting on the sofa in the post Christmas hiatus in front of an open fire with the kids playing dolly gmes on the carpet, it is impossible to take in the magnitude of what has happened in Southern Iran. Estimates have now been raised to 47,000 dead. All in a few seconds. That's about the number of people killed by bombing in London in the whole of World War II or nearly as high as American casualties in Vietnam. By the time most of the rescue teams arrived from around the world it was too late. The main task was to bury the dead in mass graves before typhus and cholera took hold.

Who knows what the political fall out will be? Perhaps it will help us all understand our common humanity. It is harder to see a nation as part of the Axis of Evil when they are weeping over their dead children. Harder to see Americans as The Great Satan when they arrive distributing free medicine, no strings attached.

Posted 4:55 PM by Paul
Where's the Beef?

Mad Cow disease has been detected in Washingtom state and many UK commentators are enjoying the discomfort of US agri-business and the Bush administration. This is understandable because despite the much vaunted special relationship, Clinton's White House lost no time in banning British beef as soon as they discovered that our herd was infected.

McDonalds across England even had signs up letting customers know that only prime French beef was being used in their burgers. Now the US Secretary for Agriculture is flying around the world trying to convince nations like Japan, which imports over $1billion of US beef, that they should lift the ban because the "threat to humans is slight."

It's a serious issue. Mad Cow Disease can cross species boundaries and become the human form of CJD which condemns people to an agonising death. It's also not much fun for farmers as many of them will go to the wall, without extra subsidies from the US Government. This is something they can probably rely on as Bush needs all of the electoral college votes from the West and Mid West states where most of the cattle graze.

The world reaction to the discovery of Mad Cow Disease is of course nothing to do with beef at all. It is the predictable reaction of countries who have just been hit by tarrif barriers on imports into the US market. "Two can play at that game" - seems to be the message coming from hitherto staunch allies like Korea and Japan. One allie will stand loyally beside the USA - that's right Britain.
So, despite the long ban on our beef, British consumers will have the right to buy US pepperoni, even if it some of it made from the last reclaimed scraps stripped from the spinal column of an infected animal.

The latest development in the story is predictable. The infected cow was apparently imported as a calf from Canada. Very convenient. When in doubt, blame Canada. It reminded me of Mayor Bloomberg's inventive explantion for the power outages in August. It was all caused by the unreasonable demands of people in Ontario who wanted to use their air conditioning during a heat wave.

Posted 11:38 AM by Paul
An American in France

My old friend Ray from New Orleans has just e-mailed from his retreat in the Pyrenes in a mixture of delight and despair. Delight because he is enjoying his semi-retirement in the historic town of St. Jean Pied de Port at the beginning of the pilgrims' route to Santiago de Compostella. Despair because he is learning how difficult it can be to get anything done in rural France.

First, he has spent hundreds of dollars trying to get proper authorisation to import his US registered German made car into France and drive it legally. Months later he seems to be no nearer collecting the necessary paperwork. The problem revolves around his yellow indicators. Apparently they should be clear. Then the paperwork for his application for Carte de Sejour or long term visa looks like a UN treaty. His description of his difficulty in getting some minor renovation work done on his house made me laugh out loud.

" Paul - I don't need to tell about attempting to arrange a rendezvous with
workmen. They have holiday in August and September and then take the whole month of October to shoot birds, and then complain they are overbooked.

I do like my young dare devil electrocution (err, I mean electrician), if he is not very good. Every time he is here, he gets shocked, screams, falls off the ladder,
shakes for a bit, and then talks to himself for a time. But he considers
shutting off the electricity to be a sign of weakness. "

And then there are money worries as the dollar continues it's precipitous decline

>"And on top of all that, when we bought the house it took .87 cents U.S. to
>buy one Euro. Today with commission, it costs about $ 1.34 U.S. Correct, we
>have lost 45% of our purchasing power. A dinner that once cost us sixty dollars
>is now over a hundred. "

A whole generation of young Americans will be hitting Europe this summer and they will feel decidedly poor. There is a bizarre notion still abroad in US campuses, that it is possible to work for 6 months doing McJobs in Ohio to finance the next 6 months living in some of the most expensive countries on Earth. It doesn't work like that anymore. It's only the top 15% Americans who are making any serious cash at all and the average middle American earns no more than the average Western European and usually works longer hours. This will come as a shock to many Young Americans on there first visit to Europe. At home they are being told that they are the most powerful nation on Earth and that they are shaping the destiny of the world, which is true. But this will not feel so great if a cup of coffee in a roadside café breaks the bank and you have to return home to Ohio two months early because of the price of sanwiches.

My advice to Ray (who wisely saved money from his years as a very successful lawyer) was to write a book for the American market along the lines of "A Year in Provence" . Ray is a good writer and he could pen a piece of work which simultaneously confirmed Americans' worst suspicions of the French but makes them want to buy a country retreat in La Belle France because of the great food and beautiful countryside. The readers will also believe they would manage better than the author in negotiating the vagaries of French life.

The French bureaucratic system is exasperating. It seems to be based on the philosophy of two people.

1. Andre Breton - the father of Surrealism
2. Edith Cresson ( Freench for watercress) The first female French Prime Minister.

Shortly before being hauled up for fraud of European Union funds (she managed to employ her dentist as the EU's top public health offical despite a lack of experience and qualifications) Edith coined the memorable phrase " We should not allow the importation of Japanese skis as they are not compatible with French snow". Economists call this attitude non- tariff trade barriers and the French vie with the Japanese for the gold medal position in its creative use.

Ray's sin was not to buy local. His neighbours think that people in Bordeaux are big city foreign types and "up to no good". Mention Paris in South West France and they spit in disgust. Germany is Pluto.

However, despite all the hassle of the French system 60% of English people cite a house in France as their dream retirement scenario. I think they are imaging that the French have all moved to London.

Part of me is repelled by the heroic inefficiency of French bureaucracy but part of me quite admires their attitude to life. Off shooting for the whole of October? How well balanced of them. No wonder they have a lower incidence of heart disease than the British and the Americans. Experts have been predicting the collapse of the French economy for the last 20 years and it still has not happened, so they must be doing something right even if they do it very very slowly.

Meanwhile Ray ( he is a Democrat who froths at the mouth at the mention of George Bush) is happy to be out of the States for a while and is spending New Year across the border in Pamplona - which must be a joy.

Posted 6:17 AM by Paul
So That Was Christmas

Christmas day had a Scandanavian feel as we opened the presents well before dawn. Outside all was still dark as the first wrapping paper was eagerly torn from the boxes.

Emily woke up at 5.40 a.m and stood outside our bedroom door asking " has Santa come yet?" I told her to hop in bed and snatched a little extra sleep by tranferring inot her bed. Emily was followed by Alice at 6.15 a.m and we all went downstairs. It's always a relief to see the presetns stacked under the tree because there is always the lingering fear that a burglar will have made a visit and cleared the lot out. A burglar or The Grinch.

Emily was greatly impressed by her new watch and doll who she has christened Fiona. Alice was well pleased with her beat box and new clothes. Added to this they had piles of dolly clothes and games. Emily got one of those robotic dogs from my sister Dianne. Starnge to think that only a few years ago they cost severla hundred pounds. We also bought a small classical guitar for the kids to share as part of my plan to get them interested in music. I used to play in a band years ago but most of the little skill I had has left my fingers. I tried to master a few Beatles songs and Christmas Carols and failed. I will have to practice more so that I can start teaching the kids.

Heather liked the silk nightie and silk pyjamas I got her. I was well pleased with my new charcoal grey woolen roll kneck, book about the London diarist Samuel Pepys and fitted green shirt - very 70s retro. I should buy a medallion and a chest wig. Heather's sister Mary bought me a huge tome on the private life a Stalin. Ideal Christmas reading. When he wasn't deporting millions to Siberia or assasinating his rivals Joe seems to be quite a congenial figure. Camping trips with his friends, sweet love letters ot his yuong wife and kindness to his adopted son. It reminds you of the old cliche about "the banality of evil." Hitler was kind to animals and Saddam like children.

I managed to recover from sleep deprivation by taking a 2 hour nap on the sofa in the late morning. Heather then snatched 45 minutes whilst I prepared a small Christmas dinner. There is no point doing a big spread as the kids only want to eat for 15 minutes before returning to games TV and stuffing their face with chocolate and sweets. We spend the rest of the day lounging in front of the fire and playing games.

On the 26th we took the kids ot see a new film of Peter Pan which was much truer to the J.M Barrie original than the Disney cartoon. My friend Steve from Baltimore came over in the evening with his wife Leslie, two kids, and his remarkably energetic mother Artis who is an 86 year old Southern lady. Steve is working over here as a railway consultant and is hoping the rest of the family will come over in summer to join him. We'll see. It's a big move and a got the impression that his tennage son was already missing his friends back in the States.

A whole bunch of American executives are making an impression on the business community in London including Barabra Cassani who is heading up the 2012 Olympic bid. Several are working on the London undergrounds and the railwaywork. This is an interesting phenomenon as the American solution to decay on the railway network has been to replace it with freeways.

Tomorrow Heather is going in to work whilst I take the kids out to Central London and the Tate Modern which has a huge installation by an Icelandic artist who has created an artificial sun in the huge turbine hall. The Tate has been the success of the millennium in London. Whilst other projects funded with millions of National Lottery money have crashed, the Tate goes from strength to strength attracting millions of visitors every year. Most of the gallery is also free and the whole enterprise is funded from revenue from the shops and restaurants in addition ot entrance fees to the special exhibitions. Their recent Warhol retrospective attracted nearly a million visitors

This proves that sometimes you need to have faith and not let the focus groups and market testers rule the roost. Spending around $100m on a huge modern art gallery by the Thames in a renovated power station is the kind of idea that would have got you laughed out of Government funding meetings across the world. But someone took a risk. It's as difficult a pitch as making a movie which is an allegory of the life of Christ about a freaky alien who comes down to Earth and is befriended by small children. I mean who is going to watch that?

Posted 3:19 PM by Paul
Mother Christmas

Heather has it all under control. Presents are wrapped and the kids have just gone to bed after the traditional reading of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and The Night Before Christmas. in front of a roaring fire. Emily was most concerned that we should damp down the coals before we went to bed, otherwise Santa might have trouble getting down the chimney. Heather was born in London but her parents are Canadian and so she has a whole North American take on the festive season.

Our Christmases in the North of England involved waking up around 4.30 a.m. to find pillow cases stuffed with presents at the foot of our beds. At the botton of these improvised Santa sacks we would always find an orange, a brand new shiney penny (for luck I suppose) and piles of chocolate which we would gorge on until we were sick. My elder bother Dave and I would then fall asleep until around 9.30 a.m. to be woken up by the sound of a full English breakfast sizzling in the pan and mum calling us . I was a regular church goer (Baptist) but I never went on Christmas Day because in our house Christmas was for Family not God. Breakfast would be followed by full traditional Christmas lunch at around 1.30 p.m. and then sandwiches and cakes watching TV around 6.00 p.m. Before bed we would have some mince pies. After opening presents, Christmas Day was partly an anti-climax until Boxing Day when family would come round for more food and drink and games. My dad worked for a few hours on the afternoon of December 26th as he had a part time job (in additon to his full time factory job) at a dog track so the festivities would start around 6.00 p.m.

One Christmas morning - I was 7 or 8 so it would be 1964 or 65 - I was beside myself with joy to find a brand new full size Lego building set in a sturdy wooden box at the foot of my bed. I couldn't believe it. It had been the object of my deepest desires for as long as I could remember. I would go into Redgates, the city centre toy shop, every Saturday and stare at it - knowing that my chances of owning it were slim as it cost £5 ($8), an impossibly huge amount of money. But that year I achieved my ambition and i was deliriously happy. I played with the Lego set until I was 13. Only years later did I work out that it cost close to what my mother took home in wages for a full week's work at a local factory.

Well, mum has gone now, never to cook us another breakfast or make us happy. Tonight I think of her with love and respect. I wonder if I will ever make a gesture that will amaze my daughters as much as that Lego set did for me way back when Harold Wilson was Prime Minister, LBJ was President, the Russians were winning the Space Race and the Beatles were top of the Hit Parade.

Posted 5:09 PM by Paul
Living on the Fault Line

The news is just in that a strong earthquake has hit California. So far the news bulletins are reporting that only 2 people have died. This is remarkable given that it was 6.5 on the Richter Scale. Perhaps the building regulations brought in during the 70s have worked to some extent. Free marketeers take note. Government red tape saves lives.

I don't have many contacts on the West Coast. Most of my American friends are from the East Coast or the Deep South. Many more are Peripheral Americans living in Spain, Mexico and France. The only West Coaster I know is Dierdre Carney, daughter of my old friend the late Matt Carney. I will drop her a line to see how she is. She lives in San Francisco which she reached via New York, Paris and the West of Ireland.

The earthquake in California is a timely reminder, as I settle down to a pre-Christmas mince pie, wedge of stilton and a cup of tea, just how benign the British landscape is. The last earthquake that killed anyone was over hundred years ago, no tornados and we have only one vaguely poisonous snake, the Adder. About 13 of them hang out in the far north of Scotland. The subject of as many PhD thesises.

We are lucky to inhabit such a boring land. I love to travel but coming back to this stable, infuriating and at times complacent land is the best part.

Posted 11:38 AM by Paul
Father-In-Law held in Baghdad

The wierdest thing about the arrest of Saddam Hussien is that all the photos of him look like Heather's dad Tom. Tom is a retired Church of England vicar who defected on retirement to the Russian Orthdox Church in Exile. Not ofcourse to be confused with the Russian Orthdox Church. The latter are apparently are a bunch of liberals and KGB plants. Tom did not agree with the ordination of women or most aspects of the 20th century

The similarities in appearance are striking. Same beard, same build. Maybe it is Tom. I haven't spoken to him for a while. In which case the CIA interrogators would have a fustrating time of it. They would receive a detailed account of schisms in the medieval church but little about WOMDs.

Posted 11:30 AM by Paul
B-Movie

A few night ago we watched a documentary about Gil Scott-Heron the black soul artist cited as the Father of Rap. The same claim has been made for artists as diverse as The Last Poets and Mohamed Ali. I don't care much for modern rap as it reminds me of a mixture of jive ass square dance and product placement. But Gil Scott-Heron was different, mixing jazz, soul and fluid poetry in a mellifluous voice. Just before Reagan took office he penned a song called B-Movie, in which he predicted a country run by an actor and which had in his memorable words moved from being " a producer to a consumer". At the time nobody took his pessimistic analysis seriously, but now it looks remarkably prescient.

Last week, buried in the financial pages of the broadsheets I noticed a small article reporting that the US trade gap had grown to an unprecedented $489 billion per annum. 20 years ago these figures would have been front-page news and the stock market would have taken a dive - but now it doesn't seem to worry anyone too much. At the same time the media is reporting an American boom, with growth rates last seen in the glory days of Eisenhower. Even during this period of growth unemployment remains stubbornly high, particularly in those places nobody wants to live in anymore like Michigan and Illinois. Experts refer to this as a "statistical recovery" or a "jobless boom". In the new global economy if the tide comes in, all boats no longer rise. The old certainties are gone forever.

The greatest country on Earth now consumes far more than it makes. Gil Scott Heron accurately predicted a phenomenon that escaped legions of economists. $14,000,000,000 (2.8%) of the gap can be accounted for by the growth in Chinese imports. In a show of commitment to global free trade, the Bush administration has reacted by slapping heavy import duties on products from the People's Capitalist Republic, focussing on brassieres and textiles. Political insiders tell me that this is about the 2004 Senate and Congress races in the Georgia and the Carolinas, where the undergarment and textile trades are very important. The Chinese have re-acted by slapping taxes on US products.

But perhaps this is a case of shutting the stable door once the horse has bolted because US consumers have gotten used to Third World products, which are no longer cheap and tacky but often inexpensive and high quality. On the other hand high prices of US products may deter the vanguard of the Chinese consumer class. They may well turn to other countries for their agricultural machinery and sports cars thus establishing a trend for the future. The early adopters ofetn set the tone for consumption for decades to come. Paradoxically many of the foreign imports whihc cause concern in Washington will carry quintessentially US brands. Some of these products will get past the tariff barriers by the old dodge of making the parts abroad and then assembling them in the US. However, many goods which carry US brands are now made thousands of miles away and some of them even in the land of the old enemy - Vietnam. Where Agent Orange and carpet-bombing failed, The Gap succeeded.

All this creates an interesting paradox for the political classes that have adhered to the new globalist orthodoxy. The export of jobs of Western companies is seen as an inevitable consequence of the drive for competitiveness. Over this side of the Atlantic there has been a great deal of noise about the loss of around 30,000 call centre jobs to India. In a masterstroke of marketing speak Tony Blair referred to this process as the "churning of jobs". So - it's official. Unemployment has ceased to exist. Instead your job has been churned. At what point it turns to butter and then to cheese is not clear. The UK labour market is now moving into a secondary stage of the globalisation of work. Most of the manufacturing jobs went years ago. In the whole Greater London area (pop. 8 million) more people work in the creative industries than manufacturing. We are now exporting employment in the service industries.

But every few years the politicians themselves are up for churning and they still need the votes of the recently churned of Michigan or South Wales. So, the political elites sell the process as an Act of God like earthquakes or pestilence. Anyone who even questions the wisdom of this global merry-go-round where companies shift jobs at the flip of a switch but leave the UK or US taxpayer to pick up the tab for the social consquences stands accused of " selling a false prospectus".

So, Bush's people are in a quandary. They cannot take measures to restrict the flow of jobs abroad as this would offend their allies on Wall Street but they still need to appeal to the patriotic voters of America. Hence, the tariffs on steel and bras and the recent blunt announcement that only countries that took part in the coalition to invade Iraq could bid for contracts in its re-construction. France, Germany and Russia may be indignant but all this plays well in Main Street USA. It also reveals them to be as motivated by self-interest as the US and the UK. Even if some of the $70 billion (much of this figure paid for by Iraqi loans secured against oil revenue) in re-construction contracts does filter back to the American Heartland it will not make a huge impact on employment in Duluth. Even so, the symbolism it perfect. Bush is seen as someone who is looking after the Middle American Meat and Potatos Guy of advertising legend.

On the macro-economic side the US can fund the deficit by increasing the money supply - or in English get out of debt by printing money. The only thing which could upset this state of affairs is if crude oil were ever denominated in Euros, in which case the US Treasury would not be able to dictate all of the rules. But this is a long way off. The last person to suggest the idea was a a mad bloke called Saddam Hussein, who is now residing in a small cell somewhere near Baghdad Airport. I don't think many leaders, despotic or democratic, will be suggesting this wheeze in the near future.

So, the jobs move South and East but Bush and Blair look secure.

In the long run, I wonder if the US can sustain this position. When I was a boy owning something American was a big deal. I remember when my elder brother came home with his first pair of Levis. They were great jeans, faded beautifully and lasted for years but they were more than just apparel. They were a symbol of youth and optimism. Now the preferred symbols of aspirational youth are Gucci, Versace and Courvoisier. When hip brands are notionally American such as Nike or RocaWear, the actual product is likely to be made in Guatemala.

And Gil Scott-Heron? He was arrested a few weeks ago for possession of a banned substance.

Posted 3:28 PM by Paul
Brassneck Boogie

I wasn't going to write about politics for a while because it was making me feel like a crazy old yard dog who sits by the new freeway all day snarling at the cars whizzing by, annoyed that the world has moved on. But I had to blog when I turned on the radio to learn that inevitably the We Love Vladdy Putin party had won the Russian parliamentary elections. No surprise there then. But US and EU election observers have complained that the elections were flawed and biassed. They gave two reasons.

- Putin's United Russian Party (only policy Give more power to Vlad) had unfair access to state power.

- They benefitted from a biassed media.

The sheer brassneck of the Proeject for the New American Century is heart stopping.

Next they will be claiming that Putin's cronies actually polled 540,000 less votes than their nearest rivals and that the election was swung by voting irregularities in Vladistan, a small province run by Putin's younger brother. Or maybe even more far fetched - that Russian provinces were called before the votes were counted by a TV station in which another Putin relative held a powerful position and that Vladdy Baby was able to raise twice as much money as his nearest rival. Maybe they will claim that 50% of all Chechens in key electoral districts were disqualifed from voting for being in possesion of a large furry hat in a built up area

But that would be too ridiculous. It would be like errrrr. Communism or something.

P.S The EU observer must have been Berlusconi's valet
P.P.S This was nothing to do with the fact that the pro-Western ultra free marketeers polled less than the Free Vodka party
P.P.P.S Next year's Russian Presidential elections will be declared invalid under the Russian Constitution if less than 50% of those rgistered to vote go to the polls

Posted 9:23 AM by Paul
Tony Blair. Another Doctor Speaks

Yesterday I went to the annual Bullfight Club of London dinner with my friends Chris (not the one dieing of renal cancer in Atlanta) and Mark. As I may have mentioned before , Mark and I are old muckers from school and first went to Pamplona in 1976. We don't get together as much as we used to but it's always great fun when we do.
He is a scream and a major addition to any dinner table.

The meal was a hoot and we all drank far too much. I sang badly in Spanish ( En Lo Alto del Pirineo ) to the bemused applause of a woman from Alava ( due south of Bilbao). A Welsh woman who was a senior officer in the Metropilitan Police Force sang the Welsh National anthem beautifully. Great fun was had by all. The best story came from a man we all know simply as Kiwi. He was in the New Zealand Navy in the early 1960s and was on the first NZ ship into Hawaii since Pearl Harbour. Just as they tied up and got ready to go ashore the band on the official welcoming party struck up what they thought was the visitors' National Anthem. The band launched into"Waltzing Matilda".

This is a bit like playing "I Wish I was in Dixies" to welcome the Candadian Ice Hockey team. This mistake did not bode well for the whole trip and subsequently there was a lot of drinking and a lot of fighting. What the Kiwis lack in population they make up for in size, particularly the indigenous Maori population.

Mark was on great form, scandalous and erudite by turns. He is a clever bloke and through a long and heroic process of night studies and research Mark, who works for the Probation [ Ed note. Furlow in American] Service he got a PhD in Criminology. He had an interesting take on our Prime Minister's behaviour. Blair constantly repeats the mantra that he has no "reverse gear" and often says "we are where we are" in a clear attempt to make us believe that it is "My Way or the Highway". Mark pointed out that this is exactly the kind of behaviour that they try to wean criminals from as offedners will often fatalistically say "that's the way it is" or " This is me. Take it or leave it." Mark and his team try and suggest to the offender that there is an alternative to thier failed behaviour and simply repeating it is unlikely to meet with any success.

It's the first time that I have heard a PM compared obliquely with an inadequate petty criminal, but it is a thought.

We then retired to the pub across the road where the guest of honour the veteran
( he is 25 but looks younger) bullfighter El Juli was drinking Guiness and watching the Chelsea v Manchester United game. He is like the David Beckham of bullfighting back home but in England no one knows him. He has been fighting bulls since he was 14. I even had the honour of standing next to him at the urinal. I couldn't think of anything to say as we washed our hands. So I kept silent. And no I didn't check out the size of his manhhod.

Posted 5:11 AM by Paul
Dolly Games

Both our girls ( 6 and 9) have spent the last week giving the lie to the often levelled charge that today's children lack imagination and creativity. With no encouragement from us, they have spent every available hour playing long complicated games with thier collection of dolls. This has included reading to them, giving them art classes and mediating conflicts caused by the naughty Bibbo. Bibbo is a doll.

All of this creativity despite the lure of 10 cartoon channels and the Internet. The oldest girl is even writing a long story about a fictional character called Sweety Bops and her menagerie of strange relatives and friends. These include The Kissy Mama, Fat Tony (who cooks cheesy mash with peanut butter for brekfast) and the hyper active Enid and Carpenter.

Neither of the girls has any interest in Britney Spears. They think that Christina Aguilera sings like a horse but have taking a liking to The White Stripes. We live in an inner city multi-racial part of London. We are comfortably off and the kids do not want for anything but they go to a local school with its fair share of problem kids. I am sure their are similar stories out there from couples bringing up kids in Brooklyn and Queens. Outside the world is changing but inside the kids are playing millenia old games based on imagination.

If some children are losing their innocence adults are destroying it rather than children abandoning it. If I hear another pundit start a sentence with "kids today" I will scream. It seems that each successive generation of 30-50 years indulges itself in the fantasy that their youthful experience was in some way historically unique and special. This is a form of vanity and a perrenial conceit. " In my day...." .

If there are problems with young people the blame should be laid fairly and squarely at our door. After all we created the complicated and frightening world they have to make sense of.

Posted 4:09 AM by Paul
News Management

So George Bush visited Iraq to share Thanksgiving Dinner with around 200 US troops. For a moment I won't be cynical. It must have been an emotional moment for him and for the troops. Whatever, they might think of him getting a visit from your Commander- in-Chief must be a very special moment.

Bush got to hang out for two hours with the men and women who are taking the brunt of the invasion her ordered. He also gave a neat speech part of which was indentical to the one he had given in London a week earlier..." we didn't charge hundreds of miles into Iraq and liberate 25 million people to..... " You get the picture.

For the record, I have never thought that Bush was stupid, a charge frequently laid at his door by the Liberal Left. I don't think you become President by being a complete dork. Even if he is not the sharpest chisel in the tool box, it is his very ordinariness appeals to millions of voters across the USA. So - he gets tongue tied. But doesn't everybody? The message is clear. Bush is one of then them. Loves his country, loves his family and knows right from wrong. Insulting Bush's intelligence is the same as insulting a large body of the American electorate. Not a good strategy if you want to get elected. Whoever wins the Democratic nomination will have to avoid coming over like a Smart Alec.

Not only is Bush smartrer than he looks but he is backed up by a brilliant team. They have carried off two major coups in terms of political presentation.

The first was to have created Compassionate Conservatism as a mask for the most reactionary economic programme since Hoover and the most militaristic plan since Goldwater.

The second was to present the multi-millionaire priviledged older son of a former President who spent much of his youth drinking at the family compound in New England as an ordinary guy.

This is pure political genius.

BUt watching Bush handing out the turkey and rallying the troops in Iraq made two impressions on me.

Unlike most political leaders Bush rarely looks like he is enjoying himself. He is rarely "in the zone" as the Americans say and often looks as though his mind is elsewhere. Once the cheering has stopped he looks arkward.

He reminds of of the kind of kid at school (like me) who was useless at sports but loved hanging around with the tougher bigger kids. He is like the class mascot. You get the impression that given the choice between being quarter back of the Dallas Cowboys and Chief Executive of the most powerful political force ever assembled in human history George would have chosen the former. But sadly for George and for the World it was not to be.

As a post script to the visit the BBC has just revaled that Hilary Clinton arrives in Baghdad tomorrow. The thought of being upstaged by her must have sent shivers down the spine of Karl Rove and his team of spinners. Above all they had to expunge the memory of two PR gaffes.

2001 - The scurrying around in Airforce One after September 11th, which gave rise to the wisecrack from New Yorkers that it took Bush longer to reach the Manhattan from Florida that it toook Bill Clinton to reach it from Australia. The Presdient was being protected from the boos of Americans not from the bombs of Al Qaida.

2003 - The victory ceremony on the aircraft carrier when a smiling George dressed in a Top Gun outfit pronounced major hositlities over under a banner which proclaimed "Mission Accomplished."

Now the visit is over his team must be congratulating themselves on a brilliant piece of news management. But was the visit in Iraq at all? All we saw was the inside of a tent in a place which was obviously somewhere hot. They could have staged the whole thing in New Mexico. Probably a silly theory but a good one to spread on the Internet and see who believes it.

Posted 1:46 PM by Paul
Spam

I have just read that legislation has just been passed in California dedicated to outlawing Spam. I object. I love the stuff. Only today I have received information that will help me eradicate debt, grow a bigger penis and go on a blind date. Amazing thing the Internet.

Posted 3:17 PM by Paul
US Drugs Sport

Sports radio has just featured a piece on the scandal of Major League baseball which has brought in a new testing regime for anabolic steroids. It is is fairly liberal regime. There will be no testing in the close season and a player would have to test positive for steroids five times before being banned for one year. Now that could be a sport in itself. You would have to be involved in some heroic drug abuse to fail five tests before the end of a season. Give Americans' obsession with sports stats they could hold a special drugs league to run alongside the regular games. Steroid levels could be flashed up on the electronic scoreboard in between plays.

This got me thinking. Why don't they bring in special versions of each sport with a corresponding drug?

Coke Basketball - Play frequently interrupted whilst players harangue each other about how much gear they are taking and how great their lives are.

Ecstacy Baseball. - the Wurlitzer is mothballed as Take Me to the Ballpark is replaced by pounding techno. Players and fans wave their hands in the air for the whole 7 innings and then declare the game a draw.

Hashish Football - Everybody keeps losing the ball but can't be bothered to find it and then both teams break for donuts. SuperBowl 2004 abandoned when both teams pile into buses and head out to the Burning Man festival

Posted 11:16 AM by Paul
Invasion of the Killer Donuts


The papers over here have been full of stories about the epidemic of obesity that is sweeping the UK. The source of this scourge is of course the USA, and things are about to get worse.

We poor Brits are unable to fight back, because the Yanks have planted smart computer chips in each Crispy Creme donut, which render resistance useless. Our natural yearning for grilled trout and steamed vegetables is neutralised by the all-conquering evil empire, which is seeking full spectrum dominance of our stomachs.

Obesity is a serious issue and the jury is still out on what causes it. Too many Big Macs, Genetics or a mixtures of both? It cannot simply be excess food intake otherwise I would look like Police Chief Wiggum. I remember a calorie counting project at school when I was 14. We had to take a diary of what we ate on Saturday and Sunday and it transpired that I took on board 10,000 calories over the average weekend. The teacher informed the class that this was what a Ukrainian coal miner on 12 hour night shifts would need. Not a slightly built and exceptionally lazy British schoolboy. My point is simple. We have never needed any help from the USA in eating too much fat.

Back in the 60s the average working class household only ever saw fruit when someone was seriously ill. Greenery was restricted to cabbage with all nutrients boiled out it and the occasional limp salad complimented by processed cheese spread. In the North of England we gorged on fried fish in batter with piles of chips smothered in salt and a form of ersatz vinegar called non brewed condiment. This was a brown acidic industrial by-product and not actually a food stuff at all. Fried food was usually washed down with fizzy pop or pints of hot sweet tea. Any adult offering us sugar free drinks would have been reported to the police. Weirdo.

There were also regional variations in the English diet. In the South, working folk would eat saveloys (a kind of smoked sausage that tastes of poo) and meat pies with a stodgy crust. In Scotland the English diet was considered a bit lightweight. Mars Bars in batter, fried pizzas and battered black pudding (a form of fatty blood sausage) was and still is the traditional way to end of night of heavy drinking North of the Border. I am told in rural Lincolnshire that families used to sit down to Sunday lunch starting with sponge pudding in a thick sweet custard and then move on to the meat and roast potatoes main course. I don't know if this is true. But I desperately want to believe it.

There were high protein low fat meals. My mother occasionally cooked steamed mussels which I loved. She also cooked braised rabbit for my dad, which I refused in a show of solidarity with Sidney, my pet bunny. Things changed in the 70s with the advent of more frozen food, which was produced at a huge factory just outside town. My favorite was pancakes stuffed with cheese sauce. You fried them in lard of course. Was there any other method of preparing hot food?

When I was a boy the British did not need any help from Uncle Sam in the field of saturated fats. I remember my first Big Mac. I was impressed by the sophisticated idea of placing a gherkin and salad next to a beefburger. It was the salad, not the meat that was the gastro-cultural imperialism.

But now the papers are alarmed at the forthcoming invasion of the Crispy Crème, a delicacy that is at the moment only available in the UK at Harrods Food Hall. A concerned dietician pointed out that the standard model clocked in at 300 calories but the super double chocolate malt reached a staggering 500 calories. But then she admitted, " but they are delicious. They just kind of melt in your mouth." But the Crispy Crème still doesn’t match the glucose and at firepower of the Mars Bar. There are still some things that make you proud to be British.

We should relax, because this cultural invasion is a two way street. McDonalds are posting losses in the UK for the first time even as we await the arrival of the Crispy Creme with bated breath. Upwardly mobile African Americans are drinking French Cognac, wearing Burberry and driving BMWs. If we don't like what America has to offer we can JUST SAY NO, or offer them something better and tax US imports if they try to block our products with tariff barriers.

Got to go. I am just off to get my supper at the local Fish and Chip shop. It's run by a Chinese bloke.

Posted 6:52 AM by Paul
Five Weeks to Five Months

That's what they gave him. Five weeks to five months.

We last saw Chris in Pamplona this year, confined to a wheel chair and stricken with cancer but still in pretty good spirits. At first, I couldn't make up my mind if this was a good idea at all. Going to a fiesta in the last weeks of your life. Perhaps, I was inwardly objecting to being confronted with my own mortality. But after talking to Chris and doing my share of wheeling him around town and fetching his coffee I changed my mind. It was good to see him smiling as the bands marched past and looking animated as talk turned to that afternoon's bullfight. Good to see the smile on old friends' faces as they saw that he had made it for one last fiesta.

As Heather said, " In the same position, with your kids grown up and enough money you would do exactly the same".

Too true. All of the above and good contacts in the airline industry. I am sure that normally someone in his condition would not be allowed to fly.

So, we said our very last goodbyes to Chris when we took him back to his room at a nice city centre hotel. My close friend Mark, who I have been going down to fiesta with since 1976, [ Historical note; Madonna was still at high school in Detroit in this epoch) was particularly upset. He had been close to Chris for years and had spend many happy days with him at fiesta in Logrono and out on the town in San Sebastian. Mark helped when Chris was incoherent with alcohol* and sat with him drinking coffee when he went on the wagon, took the 12 steps and admitted he was an alcoholic. That night we went out until dawn raising a glass or two to Chris and dancing to banal Mexican pop music. We had said our last good bye to Chris as we knew he would not make it beyond late summer.

In September some of Chris's old friends held a "roast" in his honour and there were doubts that he would make it. Five days to five weeks seemed to be the prognosis.

Last night I heard the news from Noel in Madrid.

" Oh Chris? Well, he is just preparing to fly out to the fiesta in Quito next week. His girlfriend is going with him and they are hoping to pay a student to help wheel him to the bullfight."

Chris is an American.

* Chris would not mind this fact being known on a public website as he has been dry for over 10 years and totally aware of his alcoholism. So, much so that he often chairs meetings of AA in the middle of the fiesta in Pamplona. You couldn't make that kind of thing up

Posted 11:42 AM by Paul
I am the Law

Recovering from a hangover caused by a big eating ( did I really eat a dozen oysters?) and drinking session with friends I found a summons on the doormat. No, I wasn't being sued for internet libel. I was being summonsed to appear as a juror. 18th January 2004 at Southwark Town Hall. I don't know what the system is in the Sates but in the UK if you are called for jury service you have to attend. Failing being an ex-con, registered insane or a member of the clergy (same thing?) you have to show up. It is your democratic duty and there are few exceptions.

I am hoping that I will not have a case involving rape, child abuse or wife beating. I may crack and start shouting " You're going down punk!!!".

The meal was in a restaurant above an Irish pub just off Oxford Street (88 Marylebone Lane W1 020 7935 9311) called the O'Connor Don. In the bar with a pint of Guiness and half a dozen oysters in front of me I had one of those transcendental moments of well being. Life really was sweet. For the duration of the oysters and smooth dark stout anyway. We went upstairs to the dinng room which feels like somone's front room and had a swab (a kind of pidgeon) salad starter and a great roast of beef between 6 of us. Cigars and champagne. The whole 9 yards. Good food, great wine and conversation are really one of the greatest joys of life.

Posted 10:16 AM by Paul
Bush is Sauron

Another day another demonstration against the Bush Blair project. It's very handy living in London. You can do 7 hours work at your PC, hop on a train to Waterloo, participate in a major demonstration and be home in time for tea.

Despite the terrible events of this morning the the macrh was upbeat and upmarket. Upbeat because people feel that the message is getting across. We are not going away. Upmarket because a large section of the marchers were what the marketeers would call ABC1 and 2. Swing voters with cash to spare. There was one middle aged bloke with a chin beard flecked with grey in a nice tweed suit. That's me by the way. A TV crew roamed through the crowd and interviewed a man who for all the world looked like the chairman of a suburban Amateur Opera Society. Another film crew questioned a preppy looking dude in wire rimmed glasses carrying a placard emblazoned with the Stars and Stripes and the slogan "Give Me Back My Country". He had a strong American accent and looked like an investment banker on his day off.

But the radical eco-left were there in force. A man with bright green hair provided the march's best slogan.

Bush is Sauron. Free the Shire.

I didn't stay for the rally but had a glass of wine at Gordons Wine Bar, a subterranean dive which dates from the time of Hogarth, and then made my way home. I don't like political rallies. Same all boring speeches, finger wagging and hectoring rhetoric.

Why don't they end major demonstrations with a party and an art installation? much more 21st Century.

Posted 4:12 AM by Paul
Istanbul

Today suicide bombers attacked the HQ of HSBC and the British Consulate in Istanbul. British insitutional targets and Moslem Turkish victims. Scores of people have been killed and hundreds injured. It's a nightmare.

On both sides of this grotesque argument people will be saying "I told you so". Jack Straw has already been on the radio offering these atrocities as evidence that we have to re-double our efforts in the War on Terror. On the other side people will undoubtedly say that this is a predictable response to the bombing and occupation of Iraq.

For my part I feel that Bush and Blair responded to a forest fire by dowsing it with petrol and then asking the rest of us to put it out. I fear for my kids in a world that is getting more unsafe by the day.

But few will consider the ordinary victims of Istanbul. They have already become debating points. I wonder if there is any way I can give blood?

Posted 2:43 AM by Paul
Whisper it Quietly - the French Were Right


I am an Englishman and therefore genetically programmed to distrust the French. Most English people are suspicious of them despite the fact that, according to a recent survey, 43% of us dream of retiring to a country house in the Dordogne. Newspapers which howl with indignation at every perceived slight by our neighbours across the English Channel run promotions where the 1st prize is a Breton gite.

When Chirac did not accept Blair's lawyer's logic that an invasion of Iraq was urgently needed due to the fact that Saddam and co. must be hiding something because the UN could not find anything - we smelled a rat. The smooth talking Gaul must be up to something. Even if he isn't then he is just plain wrong. After all what does he know? He doesn't even speak English properly.

Seven months down the line and it turns out that Johnny Foreigner was right all along. Lets go back to the tragi-comedy at the UN before last Christmas. The French analysis [I paraphrase] was simple.

- Bomb Iraq into submission and you will inflict indefensible civilian casualties.

- An unprovoked attack will ensure that the neighbouring countries will stay out of the war and the subsequent peace keeping efforts.

- An occupation of Iraq by exclusively Western Christian forces will create a magnet for terrorists, Islamisists and all sorts of assorted loony tunes desperate to die for the cause. It will inflame the Arab world. A war would be an excellent recruiting platform for Al Quaida.

- Main and kill children and their dads will come looking for revenge.

- You may get bogged down in a long guerilla warfare

The view from Paris was dismissed as a load of pessimistic existentialist whining by most UK observers. The altogether more sunny prognosis (crowds of Iraqis cheering their liberators, stocks of WOMDs found within days, Britney Spears at the Baghdad AstroDome) of Blair and Bush was the accepted wisdom. One US general quipped that when the war was over in a few days they might allow the French in to collect the weapons of the Iraqi army. Not thinking for a moment that they would simply take off their uniforms and take their rocket launchers home with them.

To be fair I thought that was going to be the case when I saw the pictures of celebration when Saddam was gone. The French had got it wrong after all. Tony knew something that we didn't. That will teach me not to judge history by one televisual image. Now we are in the bloody aftermath that is not an aftermath at all. The war has only just started. Serious military analysts are saying the unthinkable. Maybe Saddam planned it like this all along.

A few months ago the French spokesman on foreign affairs Dominique de Villepain proposed a handover of sovereignty to an Iraqi Authority within 12 months. Oh how they laughed! As recently as last week this was dismissed as " a fantasy" by the Italians. This week it is official US policy.

Damn those Frenchies. They fooled us with a deadly new diplomatic technique. The Truth.

Posted 4:31 PM by Paul
Pop Music for Ugly People

"Politics? It's pop music for ugly people. Didn't you know?"

It is about 6 years since I first heard the expression but I still laugh. I was a Labour councillor at the time and it really hit home. I was as bad as the rest. Surveying the UK political scene the phrase seems more apposite than ever.

The new Tory leader is not reviewed on his politics but on his first performance at Prime Ministers Question Time as if he were a new solo artist at the Marquee Club. Dianne Abbot, a left wing fire brand MP who had condemned others for sending their kids to selective schools is caught out sending her son to private fee paying school. She wails, " It will ruin my career". Her first thought is of herself. Michael Portillo, former darling of the Thatcherites stands down as an MP, saying he has lost his passion for politics. I bet the loyal Conservatives who gave him the safe seat of Kensington and Chelsea had wished he had told them a few years ago when he assured them that he was theirs for life. In fact he has just scored a better gig as a TV pundit. Me me me. Just like a bunch of preening wannabe pop stars.

Blair is the same. He has terrible I trouble. "I truly believe" this and "I truly believe" that. "I have no reverse gear."

What about us Tony? You know? The people who voted for you. We thought we had something going for a year or two. You told us that you weren't like the other boys but it turned out you were worse.

People are worried. For weeks they have been asking themselves the same question.

" But what does Tony get out of this special relationship with Bush?"

UK prisoners are still held in Guantanamo without trial or hope of release. The steel tariffs still stand. Kyoto remains unsigned. But there is an answer. Looking back to the way that Blair grinned from ear to ear like a schoolboy at his ovation from Congress, Michael Moore said that Tony gives in so easily because he is desperate to be loved in America. I am not a fan of Moore but I think he has a point.

Tony has had a few Number 1 hits in the UK. But he is now bored of the regular appearances on Top of the Pops. Now he wants to break America like the Who and the Stones before him.

Pop music for ugly people. Rock on.

Posted 4:24 PM by Paul
Anti-American?


In a desperate attempt to brush aside the fact that millions of people distrust them, the British Government has taken to dismissing anyone who opposes Bush as anti-American. The phrase "anti Americanism" is uttered in the same tone that you would normally used for words like pederasty or bestiality.

Now, as regular readers of my blog (hello Tom, Mary, Heather and Dave) will know, I am not and have never been a card-carrying member of the Anti-American Party. Some of my best friends understand baseball and get by on 10 days holiday a year. Anti-Americanism is stupid but it is not a crime. So long as those afflicted by the psychosis do not burn down branches of Nandos or demand the repatriation of Ruby Wax and Chrissie Hines. Repeat. It is foolishness. It is not a crime.

FOGAT (Friends of George and Tony) will inevitably accuse people like me of being at worst inconsistent and at best hypocritical.

" So!!! Anti-Bush guy. Will you stop drinking Coke and watching Disney films? Huh? Huh? "

No I will not. Any more than I wouldexpect those US citizens who [rightly] condemned UK policy in Northern Ireland to stop speaking English, listening to the Beatles or watching Monty Python.

Besides - hundreds of the demonstrators are ex-pat Americans opposed to George Bush. Bloody Yanks. They get everywhere.

Posted 3:33 PM by Paul
The Pursuit of Happiness

Sipping a Diet Pepsi on the way back home on the train from Norfolk I got to thinking what it is that I like about the USA. I made a list to while away the time as the train sped towards London.

- Disney cartoons
- The poetry of Walt Whitman
- Real hamburgers
- A sense of optimism
- Jazz
- The Manhattan skyline
- Soul music - particularly Marvin Gaye and Aretha Franklin
- FDR
- My old friend Matt Carney
- Hollywood
- FDR
- The Marshall Plan
- The first Ramones album
- Martin Luther King
- Godfather I and II (Forget about III)

The list goes on, but the essence is embodied in one line of the Constitution.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

The American Constitution is a document that stands alongside Shakespeare, the speeches of Winston Churchill and the poetry of Dylan Thomas as one of the great works of the English language. The idea that happiness and not power should lie at the centre of the aims of the State is an idea of transcendental beauty. For me it is even more powerful that the notion of Justice.

Tell a British journalist that you are in Politics to make people happy and they would think you were a buffoon. Joy is not serious. The pursuit of a contented life - evidence of a feeble mind.

Years ago I was briefly one of the leading lights of Red Wedge, an organisation dedicated to promoting left wing ideas through popular culture in the hope that more young people would support the Labour Party. Now of course our successors are marching against the Labour Party and its leader Tony Blair. Good luck to them.
One evening after work, I was asked how I would define Democratic Socialism. These kind of theological considerations used to exercise my mind in the mid-1980s, whereas now I am more likely to be contemplating the new lunch menu at the Savoy Grill. I replied that I thought that Democratic Socialism might be something along the lines of collective joy and happiness. My interrogator let out an embarrassed laugh and changed the subject.

But in the pure constitutional America of our dreams, Happiness and even Fun are legitimate political goals.

And Bush? Well clearly, he was born in the Friesian Islands.

Posted 8:33 AM by Paul
Ali

A couple of weeks ago The Observer published a special supplement on Mohamed Ali and I have justed posted it down to Noel in Madrid. He did a bit of boxing in the Army and has always been an enthusiastic fight fan since he was a boy. I know he will enjoy it. Leafing one last time through the beautiful photos of the greatest heavywieght of all time brought back memories of another age. For a moment I was a boy of 7 sat on the corner of the bed listening to the first Cooper - Clay ( it was before he changed his name ) fight with Dad on the old valve radio: a plate a cheese sandwiches and a pot of tea on a tray on the floor. Dad was amazed by Ali's speed and agility and reckoned him the best boxer in history.

I know all the negative aspects of the Ali story - the segregationist view that races should never mix. The Black Moslems insane belief that the White race had been created by an evil scientist. The strange unsolved murder of Malcolm X.

But even, so there was - and is - something inspiring about the man. Something beyond and above his time. People look back at the 60s as a better age but I wonder. When Ali became champion there were still states in the US where we could not have eaten a sandwich at the same lunch counter. Or he would have been told to stand up for a white man on a bus. Ali opened the Atlanta Games in 1996 but in the 1963 he came across an ageing Jersey Joe Walcott holed up in his hotel in Baltimore eating a sandwich afraid to go out lest he was attacked by whites resentful of his desire to sit in a restaurant. A man who has fought for his country and been the champion of the world could not sit down for a meal without the threat of violence. Some things have got better.

When we look back at those times I think we should be struck not by the radicalism of black Americans but by their patience and their patriotism.

Posted 4:56 PM by Paul
Bush in London - Bring Him On



So George W Bush comes to town next week. The White House security team caused a certain amount of incredulous mirth with their initial demand that the whole of Central London be shut down for 3 days to protect the President. But from whom?

The terrorist threat is real enough and growing fast thanks to our ill advised invasion and occupation of Iraq, but if they are smart Al Quaida would fund Bush's re-election campaign rather than blow him up. After all he is their best recruiting sergeant. Even Tony Blair could not swing the shut down plan that would have cost maybe $100,000,000 in lost revenues.

Any fool can see that the White House is trying to protect Bush from the political effects of prime time TV images of tens of thousands of Brits calling for the President to get on Airforce One and head back to Lubbock. Blair is looking decidedly sheepish. He planned this entire visit as a Roman Triumph - the loyal pro-consul riding in glory with the Emperor down the Mall lined with cheering crowds. Now it has turned out to be an enormous embarrassment.

Hopefully we won't have any complete tossers burning the Stars and Stripes but there is always going to be at least one idiot. The Vietnam vet who wrote Born on the 4th of July will be at the main Trafalgar Square demonstration and hopefully he will be on the platform as an antidote to the usual crowd of old school lefties and " I told you so" liberals.

Uncle Tony Benn will be on the mike as usual giving us all a history lesson. His son Hilary (only posh men are called Hilary - for plebs like me this is a girl's name) is an ex-left winger who is now in the Government and an enthusiastic supporter of compulsory ID cards and invading foreign lands. I wonder how father and son will get on over Christmas dinner? Sadly the British Left still has not quite grasped that it might be time to have some younger voices leading the charge and put the old guys out to grass. There is still an enormous deference to the socialist patriarchs of old. The most articulate demolition of the case for war in Iraq I have ever heard was made by a couple of 17 year old girls who were interviewed by a smirking condescending "know it all" from the BBC. Step forward Andrew Marr.

So on the 19th demonstrators will be toppling a huge papier mache effigy of Bush in a Saddam style re-enactment of the "end" of the war and the British Government will be doing its best to keep the bad news off CNN and the BBC. Will this change anything? No. But at least everyone on the demonstration will have had the opportunity to protest at being treated like silly children who cannot be trusted with the truth.

And for my American friends I have two questions.

- Will the widespread opposition to Dubya from main stream Main Street UK get any coverage in the States?

- Is the Bush team secretly financing Howard Dean's Democratic primary campaign? Clearly they would prefer to face a New England Liberal in November 2004 rather than someone who can win.

It's a thought.

Posted 3:43 AM by Paul
Prince Charles

Weird times. Prince Charles' PR machine has issued a statement dimissing as ludicrous and risible allegations we are not allowed to hear.

Well - not allowed unless you have access to the internet or can read an Italian newspaper. Lots of blather about "the constitutional implications" but for most people the whole story is an entertainment. The tabloids are running it in exactly the same way as a story about a bi-sexual coke snorting soap star. It is a "how are the mightly fallen" tale with the added spice of Princess Dianna's influence from beyond the grave. Circulation will rise and advertising rates for a full page strategically placed in the middle of a 8 page royal splash will go through the roof.

It's a sorry tale and it seems that his people have learnt nothing.

Two tips from a republican socialist in Peckham

- If you dismiss an allegation as ludicrous and risible people will be inclined to believe you are hiding something. Righteous indignation no longer works. Remember Blair's scoffing claim that the idea that Saddam Hussien had no Weapons of Mass Destruction was palpably absurd.

- Don't pay people hush money. Greed is never satisfied.

A strange postscript of all this was the revelation that Prince Charles' valet was on a salary of £100,000 a year for squeezing his toothpaste and choosing is clothes. This is the same man who was caught selling unwanted royal gifts. So the man wasn't exactly poverty stricken as was earlier claimed in his defence.

P.S Announcing that he had a gay interlude may do wonders for the Prince's popularity

Posted 1:00 PM by Paul
True


Today Michael Howard was crowned leader of the Conservative Party in an uncontested election of MPs reminiscent of the great days of Enver Hoxtcha, Father of the People and Great Leader of the Albanian Revolutionary Socialist Party. The Conservatives are even having a vote where all party members will have the choice of voting for Michael Howard or .....Michael Howard. If the turn out is high and the Yes vote reaches 99% the Conservatives will have a leader with kind of approval rating last achieved by Saddam Hussein in the referendum of 2002.

Can you imagine the outcry if a trade union decided to apply the same logic?

"Well comrades. We tried democracy once and that process threw up a complete duffer and we just argued all the time. So we have decided to give it to Big Frank. He is 62, quite clever and has been around a long time. Meeting adjourned."

Howard prefaced his victory with a couple of speeches which included classics of the political art of cliche. Who could disagree with sentiments like?

" I will lead this party from the Centre and call on the talents of all sections and views."
and

" I have learned to promise less and deliver more."

Of course what he should have said is

" I will lead this party from the extreme Right and, in the spirit of pure spite and bitterness, I will ruthlessly exclude any SOB who has ever said a bad word about me. Oh and by the way. I intend to promise voters the Earth and stitch them up like a kipper once the suckers have voted for me.......Good night."

Posted 3:51 AM by Paul
The V Word

Vietnam. The historical comparisons are now being made not by crazed crypto commies and "I told you so" liberals but by ex-Republican Presidential candidate John McCain. He was a POW for 5 years and tortured by the Viet Cong, so it will be hard to pass him off as a pacifist. McCain says that although things are not as bad as Nam there is a gap between what the administration is saying is happening and what is actually happening on the ground. The famed Credibility Gap.

In some ways the situation is not as bad as Vietnam. The bombers and snipers are well armed but they are not funded by a competing super power. They have no navy and no airforce - which makes you wonder how they were going to deliver the famed WOMDs targeted on Chipping Sodbury.

However, in some ways the situation is much much worse. The Viet Cong could not call on a constituency of 1 billion co-religionists, some of whom are convinced that a short cut to eternal life is a quick death in a car bomb driving out the infidel from the sacred lands of Iraq.

Bush employed an interesting rhetorical device claiming that the upsurge in murderous violence was due to the success the "coalition" was having . Mmmmm....nice try. UK Foreign Secretary Jack Straw assured us that their were no paralels between Iraq and Vietnam because the "vast majority" of "ordinary Iraqis" supported the coalition forces. Clearly he has set up some focus groups. Or maybe they invited him round for tea. Since the young Jack Straw was a studnet radical opposed to the Vietnam he will be aware that identical claims were made by LBJ and Nixon.

Which reminds me, I am am just re-reading 1984. Anyone for Double Think? Sorry. Got to go. There is someone at the door. It's the Thought Police.

Posted 3:33 AM by Paul
Conservative Party Explodes

Americans Conservatives may be puzzled to read that our UK Conservative Party is about to sack its leader and plunge itself into turmoil once again. Just at the point that Labour are in difficulty over Iraq, taxation and health care. The Conservatives have become a bit of a national joke. One of the BBC radio stations ran a text and e-mail vote asking who should be their next leader. They did not read my suggestion out on air but here it is.

"Tony Blair is already the leader of the Conservative Party. After all he believes in invading foreign countries, privatisation, individualism not collectivism, low taxes, strong law and order and close ties the Republican Party. The Conservatives should just ask Labour to formalise the arrangement by offering a £2m transfer fee."

But there is a serious point. If the nominally Conservative Party falls apart in a country, that does not mean that Conservatism simply disappears. It finds another vehicle. I guess they will just join Labour and fund Blair's faction of it.

As for the party of Margaret Thatcher and Winston Churchill, the dustbin of history beckons. It could happen. As Judge Falcone said on being asked if the Mafia would ever cease to exist.

" It is a human institution. History has shown us that all human institutions wither and die eventually."

He was blown up three days later.

Posted 8:23 AM by Paul
Goodbye Concord - Bonjour Concorde?

Concord took its last commercial flight yesterday. Three planes touched down within minutes of each other. Two excursion flights fulls of excited competition winners were followed finally by the last flight packed with captains of industry and celebrities including Joan Collins - the quintessential jet setter.

Millions of words have already been written about the end of the super sonic era and this symbol of national pride capped I think by the comment from John Cochrane the original Concord test pilot:

"From now on progress goes sideways or backwards."

A number of reasons have been given for the cancellation of the Concord passenger service including the collapse in demand following September 11th. The terrible crash just after the plane took off from Charles de Gaulle airport killing everyone on board also did not help matters, despite the suggestion that the disaster was caused by debris on the runway, not faults in the aircraft.

All this said, even the most enthusiastic Atlanticist would have to concede that consecutive US governments did not help matters. The plane was banned from flying supersonic over the States and for a time was prohibited from landing at several Eastern seaboard airports - because of "noise". Concorde was a very noisy airplane. But less noisy than the US fighter jets, which regularly shatter the peace and quiet of rural Norfolk and for that matter rural America.

In fact, the bans and restrictions were about maintaining US aeronautical supremacy by making life difficult for the UK and France. Later Boeing announced that they would no longer manufacture the spare parts for Concord. This means that the plane would have had its certificate of air-worthiness revoked next month anyway.

"Now guys come on! Throw us a bone here! We are never going to challenge you. Just give us a break. won't you? What about the Special Relationship?"

But no. Concord is gone; the death hastened if not caused by US protectionism and non-tariff trade barriers.

If makes you wonder about the real value of the Special Relationship. A relationship so special, that tariffs on imported UK steel imposed to garner votes in Pennsylvania create unemployment in Yorkshire. More and more the relationship is looking like that between master and servant. Of course, the loyal butler gets invited into the Den for a Bourbon on the rocks after a long day's work. He even gets to loosen his tie and be on first name terms with the master for an hour or so before returning to his duties.

Traditionally, the British are soft on the USA and highly critical of France. Amazing then that the only two truly world class feats of engineering we have been involved in in the last 40 years - Concord and the Channel Tunnel - have been a partnership with the French. Maybe it is time to apologise for the rubbishing we gave them over them not joining the invasion of Iraq and re-commence the Entente Cordiale.

Posted 6:09 AM by Paul
Blair Heart Trouble - A Doctor Writes

As soon as I heard that Blair has suffered heart palpitations I e-mailed the BBC medical report to a cardiologist friend in Madrid to ask for his opinion. Needless to say I didn't take what No. 10 said at face value. Below is the Doctor's prognosis:

La taquicardia supraventricular en gneral (si es aislada y no existe cardiopatia estructural de base) es benigna y solo propuce sensacion de palpitaciones. Si le han realizado una cardioversion "electrica" probablemente se trate de una fibrilacion auricular y hay que descartar 1?) patologia estructural subyacente 2?) predisponenetes (hipertiroidosmo, anemia, STRESS, etc) y en principio tbn es benigna. Lo que pasa es que con lo que "el pobre tiene encima" podra ser recurrente y entonces es mas problematico de tratar porque podria implicar necesidad de anticoagulacion
Cuidarlo!

Roughly translated - No problems - he should get over it - but with all the problems he has on his head there could be a recurrence in which case he would need anti-coagulants.

Posted 2:27 PM by Paul
Ashes Scattered - Carpe Diem

I went back to Sheffield last week to meet up with my brothers John and David and sister Dianne for the scattering of mum's ashes.

I don't know if I mentioned it before, but it has been a grim summer for our family. Dianne's fiance died of a rare kidney disease which sets the antibodies against each other a few weeks before mum.

It had started as stomach pains and ended with the collapse of his kidneys. We thought he had pulled thorugh and they might have a few more years together but it wasn't be be. He had a relapse a few days after proposing to Dianne. They were to be wed on the 25th of this month. He was 72 which in the olden days was a reasonable age to die but we all expected him to live for at least another 10 years. He was a fit thin man who played golf, only had the occasional cigar and did not drink heavily. The last time I saw him was at a family meal at a Chinese restaurant where we both commented on the fact that mum looked tired and worn out. I never expected him to die before her.

Through July and August Dianne was running from one hospital to another. It was hell for her. Mum went into her final decline 3 days after Dianne buried the love of her life. We didn't tell mum. So, any hurt I am feeling is as nothing compared to my older sister.

So we scattered mums ashes in a plot where 35 years earlier she had scattered dad's. Mum's ashes felt gritty. I has always thought that human ashes would be like the remains of wood after a fierce fire. Light to the touch and almost silky. But I knew she wasn't there anymore. Her soul had flown. The 23 Psalm and then John and Dave gave a last oration. The final tears and we parted company from mum for the very very very last time. The weather had turned cold as if to usher in the new phase of our lives. Mum had gone and so had the sun. We went for a walk in a park where we had all played together and mum and dad had bought us ice creams. I was the youngest at 47 but we all wanted to hold on to that last bit of our childhood. We didn't want to say good bye.

So. I got back home to London and the bossom of my family. This was a relief. Heather has been my rock througout the sadness and the kids are always a joy.

Time to concentrate on the future, but I still find myself moving towards the phone to ring mum and tell her how the kids are.

Posted 4:26 AM by Paul
American Volatility

Michael Moore has a new book coming out called "Dude, Where's My Country?" and the newspapers over here are full of it. It is sure to follow "Stupid White Men" up the best sellers list. This is good news as it proves my not very original theory that there are a whole lot more Americans who reject the World According to Bush Jr. than you would think if all you did was watch Fox News.

It also proves that there is a market for an alternative voice even if that voice is hectoring, boring and at times inaccurate. I admire Moore's energy and bravery, but he is not a great writer and in many instances he is simply plain wrong. For an example, turn to the chapter entitled "Idiot Nation" in SWM in which you will see a neat table called "Presidential Clip and Carry - List of Leaders of 50 Largest Countries - in order of country's size."

It's part of a very funny indictment of Bush's lack of any understanding of the world outside Texas and Washington. But the table is wrong. It is littered with basic mistakes. Ukraine (230,000 square miles) and the Congo (910,000 square miles ) are listed as being smaller than Italy (120,000 square miles ). A small error but if you are criticising your enemies for having a cavalier attitude to the truth, you have to get this kind of thing right.

I read a few excerpts of Moore's new book which is being serialised in the liberal leaning Guardian newspaper. It followed the format and style of SWM and after a while I put it down due to its patronising tone.

Reading Moore is like being locked in room with a junior high school student who has just found out 35 years too late that US Forces dropped Agent Orange defoliant on Vietnam and thought that this was hot news. The tone of his writing in the parts of the new book that I have read is also very whiney. It seems that every other paragraph is headed

" Did you know that the Bush adminstration...?"

Well the truth is that millions of Americans do know that the US Adminstration is not telling them the truth, but the question they would fire back to his critics is:

" I know what you think but what would you do if you were in power today?"

Moore's style of condescending preaching is what drives so many people into the arms of Right-wing ultra-conservatives. At least Regan never treated the voters like naughty schoolkids. Ronnie may have presided over an economy that saw millions of them lose their jobs but he didn't patronise them. In fact he flattered them.

Saying that the trouble with the USA is that millions of people are not as witty and insightful as Michael Moore, is not a tactic designed to attract widespread approval. In the UK we also have to be very careful when we blame the ills of the world on "stupid Americans". Americans are no more stupid than any other nation. It is just that their stupidty, when it occurs, has far greater consequences than, say, the stupidity of the Belgians.

The UK also has its fair quota of the terminally misinformed. During the Falklands War in 1982 a majority of the respondents to a newspaper poll thought that the Falklands were off the coast of Scotland. Margaret Thatcher thought that we could have our ships off the coast of the islands in 3 days when in fact in takes three weeks. I studied briefly at university with a Spanish man who refused point-blank to believe than Jesus was a Jew.
I recently watched BBC TV politics panel show in which a New Labour appointee claimed that our weakness in not confronting Saddam after the end of the Gulf War had led to the gassing of Kurds at Hallabjah. In fact the gas attacks happened several years before the Gulf War. There was no cause and effect. His statement (either based on knowing deceit or ignorance) was not challenged by the moderator, other panelists or the studio audience. No - the UK has more than its own share of liars, scoundrels and useful idiots.

On the plus, side Moore gives hope to millions of Progressive Americans who hitherto believed that they were alone. For that we should be thankful and maybe I should stop my own whineing. I will never win an Oscar or sell 10 million books.

And one last thing: I am proud to come from a left wing tradition that includes some the traditions of Liberal England. However, in the USA Liberal means weak. The Americans may vote for universal socialised medicine, but they will never vote for something they see as effete and un-virile. US Liberals need to start calling themselves Progressive to latch on to a great American tradition of perpetual modernisation - eyes on the far horizons etc.

Maybe what the US needs is anti Big-Business left wing Southerner who believes that the rich should pay more to help those lower down the ladder climb a few rungs, but who also eats squirrel, shoots bears and listens to C&W.

Posted 9:02 AM by Paul
So Now I am a Grown Up

Various people said the same thing about losing your last parent. As well as the grief and the longing, there is the feeling that you are now the older generation. Suddenly I feel about 77 not 47.

My daughter Emily had a minor accident yesterday evening when she bumped her head falling off the swing in the back garden. She was dizzy and nauseous, and of course you start to fear the worse, a blood clot on the brain. Heather took her to hospital whilst I looked after Alice. I kept moving towards the phone to ring mum. I wanted her counsel. I wanted her to say, "don't worry love. She'll be OK". I wanted to share the day with her. But I couldn't. She was dead. I now had to get wiht life without any support from the older generation. I'll get used to it.

Emily was OK and is now tearing around the house full of life.

Mum's funeral was held on a beautiful late summer day on the outskirts of my home town of Sheffield. We were on the fringes of the countryside. The late flowers were in bloom the trees were just starting to turn gold. Around 50 people came including some of her old friends and her older sister May who is 85.

"Who is that lovely little girl with the curly hair? She looks exactly like our Evelyn. [ my mum]" asked Aunt May.

It was Emily.

"Well your mother will never die for you then." she smiled.

We sang the Victoria hymn "All things Bright and Beautiful", the Minister read from Romans and then to my pride and surprise read out most of a eulogy I had written. I thought he was just going to use a few lines. These are the words.

A Short and Inadequate Tribute to Evelyn Bower

Lucy summed it up perfectly on the day Mum died.

"Well, everybody loved grandma."

She had what the Spanish call Alegria, which means a sense of joy. I remember a friend describing Langdon Street as, the happy house. It was a very happy place despite the fact that those walls had seen their fair share of tragedy.

Mum's life was certainly a hard one to begin with. Born poor on the back streets of Milton Lane, she started cleaning pubs when she was 12 and didn't stop working until she was 59. She was desolated when her adored older brother Harry was killed in action in the Western Desert. He hadn't been married for long and was nearly too old to be called up. She always kept him in her thoughts to the end of her days.

Mum married her beloved Jack after a short war time courtship. She confided in me that she had stood him up on her first date to the pictures and even teased him about it on the following Monday morning at work. But he persevered, and asked for another meeting. On the second date she walked past him at first because she did not recognise the elegant man in a Barney Goodman suit and trilby hat, waiting for her in front of Atkinsons. He certainly was a snappy dresser.

Their lives were blighted from the start by dad's ill health, but they were also blessed with four children. She worshipped John and Dianne. Years later she told me that her favourite sound was John's motorbike coming back into Langdon Street. Her first born, an electrician with a trade and qualifications was home - safe and sound. Her face always lit up when he entered the room.
She was always so proud of Dianne. I remember when she passed her driving test first time - aged 17 I think. This was unheard of. Nobody I knew could actually drive a car. As the years passed, their love strengthened and matured, particularly as they shared holidays and even bought a little boat, The Pedigree, together. Mum loved that, packing a pic nic and sailing off down the canals and rivers near Bawtry. Their friendship was a beautiful thing to behold. Mum never imagined that life could be as good as it became with Dianne. When they returned from a Caribbean Cruise, which included a visit to Disneyland she simply said,

"Paul. It were like a dream."

The little girl from Milton Lane had certainly come along way, supported by her only daughter.

Mum worked so hard to give us happy times, particularly at Christmas when there was always lovely presents for the kids and great family parties, either at our house or Aunty May's and Uncle Len's. It was only as I got older that I realised that mum worked overtime on Saturday mornings to clear the debts she had incurred to make sure that we were entertained as well as properly clothed and well fed. She really was a Trojan.

Fate nearly struck her the cruellest blow. When Dad was going into his final illness ( he was in hospital every Winter) David was nearly taken from us aged 16 by chronic encephalitis. I can see her now crying out loud that she was going to lose her little boy. Dad was in despair and told me that he prayed that God would give David's illness to him.

"But he will pull through, won't he Dad?", I pleaded.

David not only pulled through, but went on to become the first of the family to go to university and graduated with a degree in electronics. She was so proud of him and wouldn't have exchanged his shoulder length cork-screw curls for the world. She had sat for long hours holding his hand looking at his shaved head and the deep scars caused by an exploratory operation when the doctors thought he had a malignant brain tumour. In the last two years, thanks to David's skill in negotiating early retirement, they spent many happy days together on trips to Derbyshire or at her flat while David played the guitar and sang to her..

Dad's death on March 4th 1968 was an awful blow but gradually we all learned to smile again. Given the unrelenting toughness of her early life, not surprising Mum didn't have a lot of time for people who kept banging on about "the good old days". For Mum, the Present was a great improvement on the Past.

" I just wish Jack could have lived a little but longer to share in all of this", she often said to me.

But it wasn't to be. Mum even suspected that Dad held on until he was certain that we were all OK. David was given the all clear at the hospital on the day Dad died.

My main memory of our life together is one of fun and laughter. It was the greatest joy to just hold her hand. Of course there were occasional sharp words and disagreements but they were quickly forgotten.

Mum liked visitors but equally people loved to visit her. Scores of my friends popped round and never failed to comment on how much they thought of her. It was even a place where love blossomed. Mark and Viv met each other at a Langdon Street party in 1986 and have been together ever since. It was quite a night involving a band with a full drum kit set up in our small front room. "What does your mum think of all this?" enquired a friend. " Think of it?", I replied, "she suggested it!"

Quite simply, she was a great person to be with. She made you feel good about the world even when things were looking bleak. Whenever I felt sorry for myself, I tried to step back and remember how hard mum's life had been, and how she had born it all with good grace and above all a sense of humour. I am sure that is how she would like us all to react to her passing, with laughter and devotion to her grand children and great grand children. I can hear her now as I write this inadequate tribute,

" Come on Paul, dry your eyes love. You get back to work and look after them kids. They're lovely girls."

And we won't let her down. Her memorial is not in marble but in the lives of her family and in the love and solidarity that we all share.

Mum was devoted to her family and put us before everything, but there was more to her than that. She worked hard, but she was not defined by her work. She was a vibrant beautiful woman, not a workhorse. We were most of her life but not all of it, and that is why her passing is being felt by friends across the globe. Rita's sad expression at the Hallamshire Hospital in December 1999 when we thought we were going to lose her, said it all. We just didn't want to let her go.

Thankfully, due to the dedication of doctors and nurses and mum's huge strength, she obliged us with nearly four more great years. The lovely holiday in Benidorm in 2000 and the joyous 80th birthday weekend for all the family in 2002 [ both occasions organised to perfection by Dianne ] will live in my memory forever. Mum and Rita also got to spend more time together and share the odd chocolate éclair. We will all miss her so much.

She died in the light, on beautiful sunny September day surrounded by all four of her kids and her devoted grandson Andy. The Good don't always get what they deserve, but at least Mum passed away surrounded by love and respect.

As for me, all I want to say is that I loved her and she loved me. She gave me life, gave me strength and made me happy. She still does.

So if I were to say one last thing to her, I would have to go back into Spanish and say.

" Olé! Mum Olé."

Which as we all know means - Well Done.

-----------------------------------------------------------

So now all there is to do is scatter her ashes and carry on with a smile.

I got lucky, really lucky. I had a mother who was an inspiration and who lived long enough for me to fully appreciate her and show her the respect and love she deserved. I lost my dad young and my mum old. I am glad it was that way around

Posted 1:10 PM by Paul
Here's to the Boys Who Never Had to Go to War

My mum died on Friday 5th September at 10.35 a.m. surrounded by all her kids and one of her grandkids. Later I will post some kind of tribute to her, which hopefully will have some resonance with others who have lost a hard working, life affirming passionate leader of their family.

Mom lost her older brother Harry in North Africa in the Second World War. He was killed in a tank battle. Recently married and nearly too old for the call up he died thousands of miles away from England in a war that Mum and all her generation knew that we had to win. She kept him close to her heart right to the end.

A few months before she died, Mum and I were watching the news on TV. Same old tale of woe, death and destruction. She looked across to me and said, "I am so glad that I haven't had to watch any of you march off to war."

Tonight I am thinking of her and all the grieving American, Iraqi, Israeli and Palestinian moms who have had to bury their sons and daughters over the last few days.

So much wasted life. So much lost promise.

Posted 11:18 AM by Paul
Blair Hits New Levels of Sadness

Many people have commented on the insensitivity of Tony Blair going ahead with his family holiday in the Caribbean idyl of Barbados whilst British troops and UN workers are being blown-up in Iraq. Many people feel uncomfortable about the Blairs sunning themselves whilst the Hutton inquiry rolls on, revealing startling evidence about the background to the tragic suicide of Dr. Kelly, the Government's pre-eminent chemical weapons expert. I don't hold that view. Everybody deserves a holiday with the kids, even if they are the most reviled British PM since the last one. But weirder news has emerged from the Caribbean.

It seems that the Blairs are staying at the mansion of Cliff Richard, that most sad and kitsch pop icon from the 60s and 70s. OK - he has had hits in the modern era but one of them involved him intoning a version of the Lords Prayer to a slow electro beat. And to think - Blair seemed so young, so fresh. It's as if you found out that Clinton had secretly been hanging out with Pat Boone and that JFK had preferred the company of Liberace to Tony Bennet.

This is the end of Cool Brittania. The New Labour Government and its ageing leader are officially SAD Labour.

Posted 10:51 AM by Paul

Posted 11:22 AM by Paul
Black Out in the One Super Power


Yesterday we went to Niagra - my first visit since the summer of 1971 when I seemed to be the only teenager in Ontario with long hair.

It is impossible for me to convey the mixture of awe, terror and exhileration that I felt looking watching the millions of gallons of water racing over the lip of the falls. It had made the same impression 32 years earlier. After lunch we went on the trip below the falls and watched mesmorised as the torrent poured from above. But the most beautiful moment was when looked up from the bow of the Maid of the Mist to see the Horseshoe Falls above us filling our field of vision - the fading light refracting through the cascade in shades of purple and aquamarine. I held on to the kids feeling fear and wonder.

We managed to take the last ride of the day on the Mist of the Mist because they were closing down early. We heard that a major power failure in the surrounding area had stranded some people in elevators. Sensibly the Niagra Park authorities did not want to take the risk and we had to walk down the slip road to take the boat rather than take the elevator. Very sensible as it turned out as it transpired that at 4.03 p.m. a massive power failure had cut the power to over 50 million Americans and Canadians. A mixture of under investment, deregulation and mismanagement had plunged the Eastern Seaboard and Southern Ontario into darkness. In New York thousands were stranded on the subway. They must have thought at first that this was all a postscript to 9-11. Another terrorist attack.

Niagra was lit up like Christmas when we left at 9 p.m. and it was only as we drove towards St. Catherines that we noticed whole areas in compelte darkness. On the radio we heard George Bush say that the whole black out was possibly caused by a lightening strike in Upstate New York near Niagra. This is a fascinating theory given that it was a hot almost cloudless day with no rain. Maybe someone should tip off Bush's spin doctors that when you are looking for an excuse to cover up some major political failure you shouldn't choose one that 50,000 tourists can rubbish by calling their local radio station or logging on to their blog site.

Our power in Waterloo Southern Ontario came back around 3.00 a.m. Over breakfast we were amused to learn that Major Bloomberg of New York was blaming it all on the Canadians. Apparently they were using too much power and had crashed the system. Clearly, Americans do not use air conditioning and by divine right have prior claim to the billions of mega watts generated in Canada. But New Yorkers are not stupid. They will see through this as an attempt to explain away chaos from a man whose response to the economic down turn after 9-11 and the decay of public sevices was to ban smoking in public places. Tokenism is the word that springs to mind.